Cut

Cut Patricia McCormick

کتاب Cut اثر Patricia McCormick زبان اصلی

From National Book Award finalist Patricia McCormick, a new look for her debut novel, which THE BOSTON GLOBE called “Riveting and hopeful, sweet, heartbreaking.”

A tingle arced across my scalp. The floor tipped up at me and my body spiraled away. Then I was on the ceiling looking down, waiting to see what would happen next. Callie cuts herself. Never too deep, never enough to die. But enough to feel the pain. Enough to feel the scream inside. Now she’s at Sea Pines, a “residential treatment facility” filled with girls struggling with problems of their own. Callie doesn’t want to have anything to do with them. She doesn’t want to have anything to do with anyone. She won’t even speak. But Callie can only stay silent for so long….

From the Author

I entered the locked ward with some trepidation. The girls on the other side of the door were all confined there because of dangerous things they’d done with sharp objects: shards of glass, box cutters, knives. Friends had questioned my decision to visit the ward. But these girls weren’t dangerous to others: they were hurting themselves.

I was nervous because I’d written a manuscript about a girl who cut herself – and I’m not a cutter. I was sure the girls would call me out as phony, as a poser, as someone who’d exploited their pain. I’d spent more than two years working on the book – but I was prepared to toss it the garbage if these girls told me that I had no right to try to tell their story.

One by one, they approached me. With curiosity, with a nervousness of their own. And one by one, they told me their stories. Stories of terrible violence – committed against themselves. But what moved me even more was the secrecy and isolation they suffered.

One girl, a pretty blond with expressive blue eyes, told me she’d worn a turtleneck when she went to the beach with her family; no one asked why. Another girl, with an adorable boyish hair cut and mischievous eyes, said she kept going to the same hardware store to get bigger blades – wishing that the man behind the counter would ask her what she was doing with them. And another girl described telling her parents transparent lies about her cuts – blaming on them on the cat or ‘falling on a coke bottle’ – always hoping they’d see through her stories.

What I realized then was that they wanted to be found out. They were caught in a cycle of hurting themselves, then being terribly ashamed and afraid of what they’d done, feelings that would drive them to hurt themselves again – each time, a little worse. They were practically advertising what they were doing – because they didn’t know how to stop.

Some told friends – then begged their friends not to say anything. Those friends were then pulled into the secret and struggled with their own guilt and worry. But a lot of the girls at SAFE Alternatives, the center I visited, were there because of those friends. Friends who were willing put their friendship on the line – by telling a trusted adult – because they recognized that it was a secret too dangerous to keep.

Since CUT was published I’ve heard from thousands of readers: girls who said the book prompted them to get help, concerned friends and parents, teachers and therapists who wanted to understand what a behavior that confused and frightened them.

Most moving, though, were the comments from the girls in that locked ward. They all read my manuscript – then asked to see my scars. I told them, with some hesitation, that I made the story up, that I had never self-injured. ‘But you told my story,’ they each said. ‘How could you know how it felt?’ And it dawned on me, then, finally, why I identified with them, why I’d written the book in the first place.

I was that girl in the book – the girl who was so lonely, so angry and hurt – and so confused that I couldn’t put it all into words. I remember all too well how alone I felt. I did some self-destructive things – I think we all do – and took on responsibility and shame for things that weren’t really mine to shoulder. The facts of my life were different from theirs; the emotional truth was the same.

The girls at SAFE Alternatives gave me their blessing to publish the book. In fact, they were really pleased to see that their experience – something cloaked in secrecy and shame would be put into words. With their own recovery underway, they hoped that others who were struggling with self-injury would feel less alone and get help. By giving Callie a voice, they said, the book was giving them a voice.

About the author

Patricia McCormick is a two-time National Book Award Finalist whose books include “Cut,” “SOLD,” “Never Fall Down,” and the young readers edition of “I am Malala.” SOLD, based on McCormick’s research in the brothels of India, has been made into a feature film.

Her first picture book, “Sergeant Reckless, The Story of the Little Horse Who Became a Hero,” was called a rousing success by the New York Times. And her non-fiction book, “The Plot to Kill Hitler,” was a Publishers Weekly Top Ten of 2016.

Her debut novel, “Cut” is a sensitive portrayal of one girl’s struggle with self-injury. “SOLD,” a searing novel about child trafficking and “Never Fall Down,” based on the true story of a boy who survived the Killing Fields of Cambodia, were National Book Award finalists.

She worked recently with Malala Yousafzai, on the young readers’ edition of “I am Malala,” the story of the Pakistani girl who was shot by the Taliban for standing up for her right to an education.

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